Here are some questions intended to:
deepen the dialogue between people who disagree with each other—especially ethically, morally, religiously, or politically—and assist them in discovering how to turn their adversarial, hyper-polarized responses in the direction of deeper understanding, empathy, communication, problem-solving, collaborative negotiation, and consensus building.
(courtesy of Ken Cloke in The Magic in Mediation)
- What life experiences have led you to feel so passionately about this issue?
- What is at the heart of this issue for you as a person? Why?
- Do you see any gray areas in the issue we are discussing, or ideas it’s difficult to define?
- Do you have any mixed feelings, uncertainties, or discomforts regarding this issue that you would be willing to share?
- Is there any part of this issue that you’re not 100% certain of, or would be willing to discuss and talk about?
- Even though you hold widely differing views, are there any concerns or ideas you may have in common?
- What underlying values or ethical beliefs have led you to your current views?
- What values or ethical beliefs do you think you might have in common?
- Do the differences between your positions reveal any riddles, paradoxes, contradictions, or enigmas regarding this issue?
- Is it possible to view your differences as two sides of the same coin? If so, what unites them? What is the coin?
- What is beneath that idea for you? Why does it matter to you?
- Can you separate the issues from the people you disagree with? What might you do if you can’t?
- Is there anything positive or acknowledging you would be willing to say about the people on the other side of this issue?
- What processes or ground rules might help you disagree more constructively?
- Instead of focusing on the past, what would you like to see happen in the future? Why?
- Are you disagreeing about fundamental values, or about how to achieve them?
- Is there a way that both of you might be right? How?
- What criteria could you use to decide what works best?
- Would it be possible to test your ideas in practice and see which work best? How might you do that?
- Would you be willing to jointly investigate your conflicting factual assertions? How could you do that?
- How is everyone in the group feeling right now about the tone of this discussion? What could we do to improve it?
- What could be done to make each side’s ideas more appealing?
- Could any of the other side’s ideas be incorporated into yours? Which? How?
- Is there any aspect of this issue either of you may have left out? Are there any other perspectives you haven’t described?
- Are there any other ways you can think of to say what you just said?
- Do you think it would be useful to continue this conversation to learn more about each other, and what you each believe to be true?
- How might we make this conversation more ongoing or effective?
- What could each of you do to improve the ways you’re disagreeing with each other in the future?
- Would you be willing to do that together?
- What did each of you learn from this conversation?
- What would you like to do differently in the future if you disagree?
- How might you make your future conversations more effective?
Ankur Shah Delight: Community and Conflict 