Every Emotion Is Information (We Need Your Anger)

We are gathered here today to remember who we are and what our role is.

I got this message from K after last week’s episode:

Ooof, I find that I’m so angry it’s creating physical pain in me. So I read your words and want need to adopt the spirit of them, to deliver myself from the pain.

I’m aware that my anger isn’t doing anyone any good. But I also feel that letting go of the anger is giving in to those I’m angry with. I feel that letting go of my anger would be a spiritual abandonment of the victims of the hatred I see. That it’s a display of privilege to be able to let go of my anger, because the people/system I’m angry with can’t touch me, while their victims lie dead all around me.

Well, this is a good week to discuss the role of anger.

The last few days have been intense (for those following US elections). There was a clear victory and no widespread violence. That’s a win and a general release of anxiety.

On the other hand, most of the people in this community (including K and me) are not stoked about the outcome. There are a lot of emotions in there and anger might be one of them.

One of my key insights about anger comes from The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership.

My #1 takeaway from their chapter on feelings is that Every Emotion Is Information.

The body uses emotion to give us timely and essential information. If we are interested in making use of that information, we need to fully feel the emotion, pay attention, and “mine” it for information.

Fully feeling does not mean acting impulsively! It means slowing down to notice all the sensations moving throughout the body. To feel the anger (literally!) everywhere it shows up.

What information those sensations give you varies from person to person and incident to incident. For me, anger usually means a boundary was crossed, often involving respect or one of my values.

What is it pointing me to? My values.

What is it motivating me to do? To act out my values.

Champion what I need to champion.
Defend what I need to defend.
Say what I need to say.

Leave a relationship if I need to.

Letting go of the anger neither honors it nor makes use of its information. Only acting on the deeper impulse behind it can do that.

The analogy to mediation is like this:

Somebody comes to you with an unreasonable demand. You can accept it, reject it, laugh at it, whatever. But if you find out the need behind the demand, you are a step closer to helping that person meet their need in a way that works for you.

In this case the mediation is internal: the other person is you.

“I’m gonna punch that asshole on TV” is the demand. Then I realize I’m angry, feel the feelings, and interrogate what is really going on. Finally, I throw myself into that (positive!) activity and act my values.

Anger is the messenger. The message is: “I really care about X” or “I need to help Y” or “I won’t tolerate Z any more”.

If you’re hurt or pissed off or afraid or exhausted after the long-ass election season, don’t let go. Don’t release it! Use those emotions as a compass to point yourself in the right direction.

I’ll say it again: We are gathered here today to remember who we are and what our role is.

You need all your tools to do that. Your intelligence. Your traditions. Your emotions. Your community. Your sensations.

And, yes, your anger.