I hate to say this, but:
If you live in a large and diverse democracy…
With neighbors who don’t share your values and priorities…
And the information you receive is increasingly tailored to “heat you up”…
… there is some work to be done.
I call it Civic Engineering.
The discipline consists of using Conflict to Build Community.
Maybe there was a phase in our history where the community was stronger than the conflict.
Maybe everybody was Sioux or Lakota or Quinalt, hanging out and smoking peace pipes.
Or everybody was white and Christian and heterosexual (in public).
They had good posture, whistled, and followed the commandments (aside from the “Indian wars”).
Maybe it was all just a fantasy.
Either way, we’re very far from that homogenous world.
Then there was a phase when we tried to ignore the conflict. Avoid it. Suppress it.
We hid the racists for a while and united behind economic growth and washing machines.
But we’re very far from that world too.
We live in societies defined by difference, and we experience that difference as divisive.
Think about Thanksgiving.
The choice is either:
– Avoid talking about anything of substance
– Don’t invite the people you disagree with
– Get all red in the face and blow up
I think we have another option.
We can put on the mantle of responsibility and build a culture that doesn’t just handle conflict but thrives on it.
We can use conflict to build community.
I’m giving a workshop on this today at a conference in Seattle.
If this topic is important to you, I want to know.
Are you:
Someone who uses conflict to connect with people.
Someone who uses conflict to build community.
I’m taking the possibility of civil war seriously.
I hate to be negative and I hate to be grim, but there have been credible threats of violence in my town the last couple of elections.
The polarization and lack of understanding have been steadily ramping up.
(And I don’t think our AI chatbot friends are helping.)
If enough people are into it, I’ll make today’s talk into a podcast episode, and bend my research and writing towards this idea for the next 7 months.
Yesterday I looked at a coin in my pocket and was reminded of the US motto:
E pluribus unum
Out of many, one.
My impression is that they were talking about the 13 colonies/states and the notion of federalism.
But I see it as operating on many levels.
The states. The subcultures. The ideologies. The brains. The hearts.
If we don’t figure out how to make this conflict productive, it will destroy us.
It’s going to take:
– Dialogue
– Self-Awareness
– Trust
– Face-to-face interactions
– Good food
– Small groups
– Knowing our triggers
– The art of asking questions
– Not taking things personally
– Curiosity
– Long-term thinking
– Fun
(that list is not exhaustive)
So, let me know if you’re down.
Ankur Shah Delight: Community and Conflict 