Unproductive conflict destroys teams, tanks productivity, and exposes organizations to legal and financial risks.
Unfortunately, by the time leadership is aware of the depth of the problem, it’s usually too late.
That’s because 80-95% of conflict management happens before anybody blows up at HR.
It’s relationship building.
It’s developing a personal conflict management system.
It’s practicing empathy without agreement,
and disagreement without being disagreeable.
I’ve had the good luck to pay attention to conflicts — technical, cultural, organizational, and civil — for over 20 years.
From the collapse of the Argentine economy to the rebuilding of civil society in Liberia, I’ve seen a lot of ways to handle conflict.
No matter where in the world I was, bringing people together to discuss what kept them apart was a dangerous proposition.
(However, not doing it was even riskier.)
Every process I admired was designed around Trust.
Some factors that increase Trust:
- Small, in-person groups
- Acoustic (non-amplified) communication
- Horizontality (no teachers, no experts)
- Informality (food, drink, casual spaces)
- Confidentiality
- Sharing personal stories (“I” statements)
- Vulnerability
What if we got together for team-building retreats whose goal was to change how the participants experience conflict?
(Instead of paintball and icebreakers)
I’m imagining a stylish living room, home-cooked food, volunteer bartenders, and expert facilitators.
Isn’t that what we would do if we stopped seeing conflict as a distraction?
But instead as the growth edge of an individual.
And the innovation edge for a company.
Conflict is the portal that — sooner or later — we are made to walk through.
It’s a Gift.
(This poem was inspired by a talk of Uncle Marshall Rosenbergs: “Seeing Needs as a Gift“)
Ankur Shah Delight: Community and Conflict 