“Our challenge is not to eliminate conflict but to transform it”

(Quote from William Ury’s The Third Side)

Here’s a funny misunderstanding in popular culture about the peacebuilding movement:

“People interested in peace are uncomfortable with conflict”

There’s a kernel of truth to that: most people want to avoid conflict most of the time.

Unfortunately — as Ury points out over and over in The Third Side (and probably every other book he wrote) — avoiding conflict creates the opposite of peace.

Peacebuilders like Ury know that in order to get beyond conflict, we have to go INTO it, to truly understand what is at stake for everybody.

Only then we can go THROUGH it.

(And the only way out is through.)

Peacebuilders and mediators are interested in Durable Agreement.

It’s not because violence is always morally wrong. (though it often is)

It’s because violence is inherently unstable, and we’re looking for a relationship stable enough to allow the flourishing of all parties involved.

Key Takeaway:

Eliminating Conflict is a fantasy. Your options are Transform or Wallow.